I don't claim to understand everything. I just happen to know a lot. Mostly about things. Nothing overly important. Just things. Things that happen to make my life much easier.

I'm not sure if my life is made easier with my knowledge. Or if because I have made my life simpler, I am open to absorbing such knowledge. I firmly believe that you cannot fully be open to learning if you can't let go of some things.

I'm not talking about being mad about that raise you did not get, or that boyfriend that didn't work out. I'm fine with people being bitter about that. I'm talking about holding on to prejudices and expectations that were either developed early in life or placed upon us by people in our past.

Somewhere, I let go of worrying about what people expect me to do. I let go of worrying about what people think of me. I'm not evil. I can be manipulative. We all can. But I mean no harm. Unless you force me to. I'm not sure why I meet a lot of people who worry about how they are perceived. I think we should worry less on what people think and more on what our conscience thinks.

I don't mind you being selfish. One has to look out for oneself. What I do want is for everyone to do right by all. Help out when you can. Give more than receive. Be nice. Be present. Be honest.

Often, I deal with people who are oblivious to the other person's feelings. I don't get it because they want to be treated nicely but don't notice how poor their own behavior is. Listen: make sure you get what you want. But in the process, try being human. It works out much better. One appreciates honest behavior more than anything else.

A co-worker of mine told me today that she describes me as nasty-nice. She added that she considers that a compliment and aspires to be like me one day. Most people would take exception to the "nasty" part. But I don't. I may be snarky but when it all washes out, we all end up with the proper outcome with nobody harmed. And I am honest about it all.

And even if you don't always get what you want, even if it's not what you necessarily wanted to happen, understanding that it was the honest thing to do makes life much easier. Later.  ¶ 10:46 PM 0 comments

  Here's the scenario: you have this really good friend. Someone who are your proud to be friends with. Someone who you talk highly about. Someone who you would do much for. But your really good friend is friends with someone who you find... well, not so interesting. You might even go as far as to say you find this person intolerable. And you are not alone in saying this.

Do you find yourself asking, "What does that say about me when my friend is friends with someone who I can't stand?" Does it mean that you are changing? Or does it mean that your really good friend is changing? Just wondering. Later.  ¶ 12:04 AM 0 comments

  Our society wastes so much time and energy on things that we should not. So, I've taken the liberty of listing what I think is a waste of time and energy and how we should better invest it.

• Take the money we spend on war and spend it on educating our children properly.
• Instead of investing time into opposing same-sex marriage, how about using it to teach tolerance and acceptance.
• Stop hanging out with people who are not healthy for you. Take that time to work on bettering yourself rather than letting them take you down.
  
• Why not take the time spent twittering and use it to learn how to cook.
• Instead of bitching and moaning about how fat you are, take that time and learn how to cook a healthy meal.
• Stop shopping for the latest gadget and start shopping for sustainable, healthy foods.
• Maybe take the time to catch up/laugh with a friend instead of watching reality television.
• Instead of going out for a cocktail, how about going out to a dance class.
• You spend so much on rent/mortgage, try spending some time in your home rather than at a store, the gym, or, worst of all, at work.

I always hear people complain about their lack of time or energy to do good things for themselves. I always laugh because they seem to find time to do all the other wasteful projects in their lives. Somewhere in my life, I decided to make sure that everything I do has some sort of benefit for me. It may sound impossible. Even cheesy. Even selfish. But, I will say this: once you learn how to do so, everything becomes easier to achieve. Think about it. Later.  ¶ 7:31 PM 0 comments

  Before I become totally jaded and hateful of this holiday season, let me be the first to say what I am most thankful for this year. I am most thankful for achieving the opportunity to work for someone who values my work. It's not often you work for someone who respects you as a peer, as a friend, and as a person with a valid and valuable opinion when it comes to work and life.

I am often asked why I have not become more than I am at work. I am not always sure if that is meant as a compliment. But, my answer has always been the same. I just don't want to do anything else than what I currently am doing. Despite all it's insanity, I do feel that I am in a position that most suits my skills, talent, and desire. But no matter how much I feel that way, nothing matters more to me than who I work for.

I don't know if I will be where I am forever. But if I am, I hope I work for her. She hired me into the company and I have come full circle. Kinda like being home. What's even more amazing is that there are a bunch of us who feel the same way.

So, thanks somebody. Thanks for bringing her into my life. Funny how when you think it's just almost all over, something shines in and makes it better. Later.  ¶ 10:24 PM 0 comments

  I've always wondered why people have a cringe when they discover that I hate children and don't believe in God. Actually, I don't believe in any type of higher being. But that's not what this blog posting is about. It's more about how people react to my feelings and beliefs. Because truth is, before I told anyone those two facts, they were fine with me.

I hate children. I don't want them. I'm not the type of gay to have kids. I have no paternal instincts. I don't think they are cute. I want nothing to do with them. I don't even want to be around them. So, when I say I hate kids, I always get that pause. Then the statement, "You can't hate kids." I always follow it up with, "Yes, I can. I hate you too." It's always an interesting conversation afterward. I know that part of it is that I play it up. But I really don't feel that I need to pretend that I like them. I hate them keep them away.

Then there's the God thing. First off: religion IS a choice. Not being gay. You can change the religion you grew up "believing". You can pretend not to be gay. But, in the end, you are just a big old closet 'mo. But back to God. I don't believe in God. I grew up Catholic. It's probably why I don't believe. I remember being 5-years-old, in church, turning to my mother, and asking, "Why are we doing this?" She was not happy.

Look, you can believe all you want. I don't. And yes, I do judge you for believing some writing in a book. Just like you are judging me for not believing in some higher being. I guess you need someone to tell you to be good to people. Treat the world around you with respect. Give back. But you don't. I won't even get into that. But you don't.

See, I hate children and I don't believe in God. My life goes on. Yours does to. I don't need to explain why I feel the way I do. I just wonder why you think I do. Later.  ¶ 11:28 PM 0 comments

  I'm sorry.

I'm sorry to my co-workers who I have made fun of because of their poor retail execution. I need to give you a break because you really are some of the best around.

I'm sorry to the person who forgot to hand in their paperwork in order to be paid this past Friday. I forgot that part of being responsible was relying extensively on others.

I'm sorry to the person who doesn't get promoted just because they have been working for five years now and has only been late 3 times. I forgot that the basic job responsibility of punctuality was a barometer for your un-tapped supervisory prowess.

I'm sorry to the lady who feels it is a bother for her to be woken up at 9:00am because there are trucks delivering products to businesses in New York City. I understand that you escaped the hustle and bustle of the countryside.

I'm sorry that your absent husband has burdened you with your six children and that your 13-year old is now "a man" and is allowed to do whatever he wants and that you are sleep-deprived because your duty is to serve your family and that you cannot call to complain on Saturday mornings because you are not allowed to use technology because your religion has not been able to keep up with the evolution of the rest of mankind.

I'm sorry to the person who we won't hire because you had the bad judgment of stealing from your last job. And that you are not being given a chance. And for the record, if you want a job, having a poor attitude toward a potential employer is not going to get you one.

I'm sorry to all customers who think that customer service has gone down the drain. It's not the employees who have to burden all the blame. Most of us are only reacting to your lack of pleasant attitude, your need for attention, your fake air of superiority, and void of compassion you seem to be hoarding.

But most of all, I am sorry that I have the ability to keep my fucking ducks in a row making the rest of you look like poor representations of responsibility, mediocre forms of humanity, and enormously ignorant buffoons. Later.  ¶ 9:09 AM 2 comments

  I got up this morning thinking that I needed to blog about something. Not sure what I was going to blog about. But I had a feeling I needed to.

A bunch of ideas went through my head: should I blog about the different type of coffee I decided to make. Or should I blog about the fact that I am considering going to the gym this early. Or should I blog about how my work day is in constant flux because I need to fit the needs of the business. Or should I blog about how I am having a hard time meeting up with friends because of the flux in my work schedule. Maybe I should blog about reconnecting with a college freshman year friend. Or an old blogger friend. All through Facebook.

Needless to say, I have a lot running through my head. I always do. Which is why I have this blog. So that I can write them down. But it doesn't always happen. Except this morning. So, there you have it. I have a lot of stuff coursing through my noggin. Scary. Later.

p.s. I think I am hitting the gym.  ¶ 7:04 AM 0 comments

  With all the negativity that I tend to spew on this blog, I thought it was time that I wrote about something positive. So, here it is... I LOVE Fox Network's new show Glee!!!

I love it! I love it! I love it!

Today, I got to thinking why I love it so much. I think people who consider themselves GLEEKs (the name those of us who love the show have adopted) do so because they relate to the characters. We tend to have had a hard high school life. Often made fun of or alienated. Never accepted for who we were or are. Never quite fitting in.

Which is why I love the show so much. I know what it feels like to be part of a group of kids who are laughed at for being talented at something. Or for just for looking different. Or for liking things that are not popular. It hurt. And having this show makes us feel like we are being recognized for it. It doesn't hurt that the music is fun. It's all remakes but they all seem to work. A compilation album is supposed to be released. I'll be in line. Or at least on iTunes.

So, there you have it. Something positive. I am a Gleek. And I am proud. Later.  ¶ 8:31 PM 2 comments

  I've worked all over Manhattan. And when I say all over, I mean all over. I worked in neighborhoods that were avoided by everyone 10 years ago but are now the "it" section of town. Each neighborhood has its charm. But there is one neighborhood that I think has absolutely none. And unfortunately, I work and live in it.

I guess it could have it's charm. But the people who live up here are just devoid of humanity. Seriously, for people who live in the most vibrant city EVER, they sure are ignorant. My partner and I have a phrase that describes them to a T. It's "Whata ya gonna do fa me?" Entitlement much?

This neighborhood is so full of entitled rich people. Mostly Jews. People who seem to have forgotten that they are not the only people who exist. That everyone who lives up here does not celebrate the same holidays as they do. It's always one gigantic complaint after another. Almost as if they feel that they are missing out on something. It's never good enough. Yet, when pressed, they can never really tell you what good enough is.

I spend my days teaching people to bring solutions to problems they find. I feel for them. Because they are confronted by people who can only find problems. Never solutions.

And why do they have to be so mean? Most normal people try to get their problems solved without trying to bring down someone. Not my neighborhood. They seem to think that the only way to take care of problems is to bring someone down. To make them feel guilty. I was once told that that's the only way they know how to handle things. That the only feeling that they recognize as normal or correct is guilt. Which makes sense because all the Jews that I know are always fucking guilt-ridden. For fuck's sake, get over your fucking guilt. And try focusing on being nice. It really is not that hard. Maybe that way you can become charming. Later.  ¶ 11:57 PM 0 comments

  Went to the US Open yesterday. Here's some thought:

• There is nobody better to go to the Open with than Janice.
• I'm old school. Shut the fuck up during the match. This isn't a basketball game. Stop cheering like it is.
• Alcohol makes rabid fans UGLY!!!
• There really isn't a bad seat in Arthur Ashe Stadium. It's big. But you can see almost everything.
• Bring a pair of binoculars.
• The side courts are where the action is.
• There are so many cute guys running around the Open. And yes, a lot of them are gay.
• Stuff is expensive at the Open. But not if you live in NYC.
• Watching live is nice. But I miss the replays.
• Kim Clijsters retired?
• Watching live streaming on usopen.org is A-fucking-MAZING!!!
• There isn't a bad session at the Open. If you are a tennis fan.
• If you aren't a tennis fan, stay the fuck home.

No seriously. Stay the fuck home. I don't want to hear you moan about how you are having a bad time because you don't know who the players are. No seriously. Later.  ¶ 12:07 AM 1 comments

  It's been an interesting day. My new store opened today to an enthusiastic crowd. We were busy. Quite busy. Hopefully the numbers match the foot traffic.

But the interesting was the fact that we were picketed. Protesters, I tell you. It was exciting. There was even a fight between customer and protester. It was a sight to behold.

But it was just dumb. Because they protested for less than two hours. Right. That worked. And after reading about and hearing what they had to say, I have to say... SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Get the facts. Read further than the first part of the paragraph. Get informed. Because you are so off base. Interesting that as employees, we want you to fucking leave us alone. Because we are trying to work so that we can get benefits. Not benefits from our rickety-ass government. The same government who screwing up Social Security. The same government who can't figure out how to lower our dependency on foreign oil. And the same ones that you all want to take over health care. Right.

And by boycotting us, who exactly are you going to buy your food from? Stop and Shop? Associated? Gristedes? And what kind of health plan do they give their illegal workers? Have you figured that out yet? Well, put the signs down and figure it out. Then get back to me... Later.  ¶ 9:35 PM 1 comments

 
Is it possible to fall in love with a soap opera character? Because I have. I may have mentioned before that I am obsessed with a German soap opera called Verbotene Liebe. In said soap, there is a gay couple, Christian and Olli. Outside of Germany, they are referred to as Ollian. They have become such a huge hit on the internet because of one special person adding English subtitles and posting the videos up for all to watch. Thanks Nanna.

They have become such a bit hit in the U.S.A. that even Soap Opera Digest has featured them in an article. And now, with their popularity increasing, the creators of the show have given them a weekly vlog they call Chrolli... and translated into English. Can you say AWESOME!!!!

Anyway, the actors are so amazing. They have fully embraced their roles. Some have even questioned if there is more than just a professional relationship involved. I don't care. I am just in love with them. I am especially in love with the fact that they portray this relationship as the most stable one in the entire show. Other characters have even referred to them as the couple of the year. Friggin awesome.

Anyway, I am in love with both characters. I flip flop between being in love with one or the other. Until today. I just love them both. So, no, it's not possilbe to fall in love with a soap opera character. It's more likely that you will fall in love with two. Later.  ¶ 7:49 PM 0 comments

  This weekend, my cousin Martha got married. My entire family attended. People from all over the country and the Philippines came. I attended my partner's grandmother's memorial. I had more fun than I would have if I had attended the wedding.

I am trying to figure out why I have such disdain for my extended family. My sister still seems to be able to tolerate them. She says she can't stand most of them. But she goes ahead and spends time with them. I am not even going to try to analyze that.

I do want to analyze why I have ZERO interest in being around my extended family. I thought about it for a moment: I would have attended the wedding if the rest of my extended family was not there. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don't feel accepted by them. My homosexual partnership has lasted longer and has certainly been more blissful than any of their marriages. I wonder if I work hard on my relationship to prove something? I don't feel that I do but who really understands their subconscious?

Martha invited me and Mike to the wedding. She recognizes that my relationship is the equivalent of any heterosexual union. If not even better. I probably would have enjoyed being around her and her now-husband. But the truth is, being around the extended family is more than I ever want to deal with. The last time I was around them, they referred to my partner of 10 years as a "friend". I corrected them. But I am not interested in correcting them anymore. I know that I should probably educate them about who and what I am. I have before. I don't feel I need to anymore.

I guess the truth is, I don't really find most of my extended family interesting. I actually don't feel like their opinion matters. I share nothing in common with them. And, once, I thought about whether I would be friends with them if they were not blood. And the answer was, and still is, a big fat "no".

I was going to say that I was saddened by that. But I am not. That would require me caring about how they feel about me. I have given them a chance to be part of my life. But since they have not tried, I don't feel I need to. So I won't. I do find it sad that I had more fun at a memorial than I would have at a wedding. But so be it. I can't help that my partner's neurotic family is infinitely more entertaining than mine.

Maybe that's it. Maybe the fact that my extended family is boring is the reason I don't want to be around them. I think I will stick to that reason. Because the others can be depressing. Later.  ¶ 9:33 PM 0 comments

  One of my biggest frustrations at work is that people want me to be frustrated. The issue is that people equate my calmness with un-productivity. I have just learned to channel my energy in a more productive way. And, for some reason, I have been able to take any difficult situation and use the energy to fix it, rather than become frenetic.

So, we're opening a new store. It isn't the first time. It won't be the last. But for some reason, the people who should be acting calm are not. Sometimes, I just want to slap all of them. I've been very vocal about it. And today, for the first time ever, I decided to make a political chess move.

I hate that I had to. But it had to be done. So, we'll see how that works out. But until then, I have some training to plan and execute. Call me when you get over yourselves and decide to help. Later.  ¶ 11:21 PM 0 comments

  In the current craziness that I call my life, I came home after work today. I skipped the gym because I wanted to go for a power walk in the Park. As I entered the home, I realized that I had to move around some furniture to clear a path for our new couch. I moved all that I needed to and hopped online. I began my usual surfing then realized that, if I were to go for a power walk, I had to do it now. But it looked like rain, so I skipped it.

I mulled around rearranging things so that they would be out of the way for the delivery guys. I looked at the old couch. Slightly amazed that I was able to move such a large thing. By myself. I still need to find a way to dispose of it. I can't donate it because the leather is ripped. Which is why we got a new couch. And we wanted to be able to lie down. Mission furniture doesn't really allow for the stretching.

I hopped back online to chat with a friend. Then went to the kitchen to make some dinner. I was in no mood to cook. So, I had three sandwiches. I felt out of sorts. Not sure why I was so unmotivated. I noted that I was never felt like this. I wasn't sure what was wrong with me.

Then it hit me. I miss my partner. He's been in Minneapolis for the past three days. For work. Doesn't get back until Wednesday night. I miss him a lot.

So, this is what that feels like. I'm getting old. Later.  ¶ 8:54 PM 0 comments

  Today starts my last week at my current place of work. I'm not leaving the company. I'm just going to move to a different location. Actually, I am going to be opening our latest one. Opening is a month away but I have lots to plan. I actually have two weeks to plan it all, starting today. But as is always the case, I still have to finish off my duties at my current place.

There's something very bittersweet about leaving. This would be the second time I have. The first time, I was definitely more excited. Probably because I was leaving a situation that I needed to get out of. Now, I am leaving for different reasons. Good ones. But I still feel.... meh. The other evening, the husband told me that our neighbor sent her congrats and was excited for me. I wish I could share that excitement.

So, here I am. I week away from the hard work. I am looking forward to my part. I'm looking forward to the new challenges. I am glad to be moving on. But why am I not ecstatic? It certainly is not because I am leaving good people behind. Or going to work for jerks. Maybe in the next few days, I will figure out why. I reminded myself that things always happen for a reason. I hope I figure it out soon. Later.  ¶ 8:29 AM 1 comments

  So here's my question tonight? If you're drunk and craving junk food, does eating three soy dogs on whole grain flat bread with mustard & sauerkraut satisfy?

It seems to for me. Does that officially make me vegan? Wondering. Drunk wondering but still drunk. Later.  ¶ 11:25 PM 2 comments

  When was the last time you heard classics like Unspeakable Joy by Kim English, You Used to Hold me by Ralphi Rosario, Nobody's Supposed to be Here by Deborah Cox, and Stranger in my House by Tamia on the dance floor? Well, for me, it was this past Saturday night. What fun!!! What great company!!! Thanks for coming, Richie.

And what else did I hear? Madonna, Britney, Beyonce. Serious diva-liciousness for the gay man. And there was some serious drama being served by some gay men. It was fun. It was a good time. It didn't hurt to be surrounded by serious eye-candy. But who could notice with some serious beats being spun by the diva himself Hex Hector? Not me, I tell you. May do it again very soon. Clubbing in the summer. Always a good time. Later.  ¶ 9:45 PM 2 comments

  As someone who works in the retail industry, I get to witness customer complaints. I often wonder about what these people are like outside of the store. It's said that for every one complaint, 10 more people share the same frustration. So, why is it that the one person who complains has to be such a dick about it. I mean, is your life so empty that you just can't ask to get something fixed without giving me a soliloquy about your life?

Because they always do. There's always some story about how much they spend here and think that they should be genuflected to. I always tend to reply that what they spend does not matter. But if they have an issue, then please share it with me so I can get it fixed. Or that they know someone in the press who would do an expose on us... blah blah blah blah blah. It's all so boring. Just tell me what needs to be fixed and let's move on.

They also always have some diatribe about how they are frustrated because they always come and something is always wrong. So, who is the idiot here? Me or you? Because there are about 10 other places that do the same thing we do and you could just as well go to them. But you keep coming back to be "slapped" again. And again. And again. I mean, let your spending speak for you. It works better that way. For all of us. And for the record, if it were so bad here, why is it that over 90% of the customers are fine coming in and getting what they need and going home? Makes you think. No?

I'm always in awe of people who complain. I mean, COMPLAIN. I never do. If something is wrong, I ask someone if they can fix it. Or find someone who can. If they can't get me what I want, then I am off to the next place to find it. Because I'd much rather spend my energy getting what I need without creating negativity. Later.  ¶ 12:09 AM 2 comments

  I just returned from spending 8 days with my partner's family in South Dakota. Yes, South Dakota. One may not know but South Dakota is the home of Mount Rushmore. And that's probably all I can say about it. It is beautiful country but not to live in. Which makes it even more interesting that my "in-laws" moved there. But, I'm not here to discuss that.

Let me just say that eight days with your "in-laws" is three days too much. Especially when you find much of their behavior irritating. Like having everyone wait for them whenever there is some sort of excursion. If it were not for the fact that I love my partner, I would never spend more than a few hours with them. Because this vacation tested my patience. And more often than not, they got the gist that I was not pleased with their behavior. But, I'm not here to discuss that either.

What I am here to discuss is this: does anyone really think that hanging out with your in-laws is fun? I mean, even if you like them, at best, it can get irritating. No? I never expect my partner to have fun with my parents. I don't. My parents are someone I find fun... for about 5 hours. Then, I got to go. I can't imagine anyone would find them fun for much longer than that. So, when I ask for some away time from the in-laws, why would anyone question it? Plus, at the age of 39, I really don't feel I need to explain why. Figure it out.

Here's the thing. I like them. I don't adore them. I have little in common with them. I don't share common experiences with them. I am a gay Filipino, born and raised in Nigeria. I was an Electrical Engineer, who became a fitness instructor, who got his Culinary Arts diploma, and worked EVERYWHERE while strung out on smack. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, donated it, over it. Very little excites me or puts me in awe. I'm not jaded. I just need a lot to get me excited. Very little gets them excited. We're just not a match. Does that make sense? Later.  ¶ 12:30 AM 1 comments