Sometimes I feel that I am not that good a friend. I really tend to spend my free time doing nothing when I could be spending it doing things with friends. But really, what does that mean? One can only eat out so much. And the weather often gets in the way. And it's not really cheap to do most things. And my work schedule is opposite of theirs. Are those just a bunch of excuses? What is one to do?
I am very grateful to have a partner of 14 years who's company I enjoy. But I really don't want to get to a point where the only friend I have is him because I have ignored everyone else. I don't want to be one of those friends that schedules their life around the partner. I hate those type of people. What is one to do?
I am grateful that the friends I consider the closest are more than happy to meet at a moment's notice. I am glad that they indulge me when they can. And I think I try my very best to indulge them as well. I hope it comes across that way, because I really do. But there are times that I feel that I don't.
Because I have been working so much, a lot of the other things I feel are necessary are being neglected. I need to dedicate time to making sure the home is organized. I need to find time for the gym. I need to get my personal stuff done: haircuts, retirement investments, potential employers, possible catering business. And because of all this, I let spending time with friends fall by the wayside.
Am I wrong?
Maybe I'm thinking to hard about this. Maybe part of it is that I am suffering from allergies. Maybe I am feeling some sort of doldrums. Is this what it's like to be depressed? Is the feeling that you have no control and the feeling that no matter what you do you cannot catch up... is that feeling depression? I don't think I'm depressed.
Maybe my body is telling me something. I had a fever Friday and left work early. I came home and just slept. Maybe it's my body's way of saying slow down. Unfortunately, my mind tends to work overtime when my body is trying to slow down. Maybe what I need is to spend some time laughing with friends.
And when is that going to happen?