I feel so unattractive lately. Not really physically. And not really to people. Just to myself. I don't feel like I am doing anything to make me feel proud of who a I am physically and emotionally. But I need to clarify that.
Am I happy that I am back in the kitchen cooking? Absolutely. I am good at what I do. I can make money at what I love to do. And I am working at places that are more than just tolerable. One of them is even a place where I learn a lot about cooking.
Am I happy about my relationship? Without a doubt. I don't think I could have been any luckier meeting the man I am with. It's not perfect but I don't expect it to be.
So, why don't I feel proud? I just feel that I am not moving past what I am. I don't feel like I do anything that makes me grow as a person. I don't go out to experience new things. When was the last time I went to a comedy club? Or some off-broadway play? Or an art installation that makes me think? I cannot remember because it has been so long.
And what am I doing physically? I've been held back by my foot problems. So cardio has not been kept up. So, I feel fat. I feel unshapely. I still lift weights. But I need to do something new. I don't feel comfortable in my skin. I feel like I am so not in the shape I could be. Maybe I need to take some new classes or get a training session of some sort? Pilates? Yoga? Don't know.
I'm at a loss. Oh. My. Goodness. Is this a mid-life crisis? Later.
Labels: Irritation, uninspired