What?

I feel so unattractive lately.  Not really physically.  And not really to people.  Just to myself.  I don't feel like I am doing anything to make me feel proud of who a I am physically and emotionally.  But I need to clarify that.

Am I happy that I am back in the kitchen cooking?  Absolutely.  I am good at what I do.  I can make money at what I love to do.  And I am working at places that are more than just tolerable.  One of them is even a place where I learn a lot about cooking.

Am I happy about my relationship?  Without a doubt.  I don't think I could have been any luckier meeting the man I am with.  It's not perfect but I don't expect it to be.

So, why don't I feel proud?  I just feel that I am not moving past what I am.  I don't feel like I do anything that makes me grow as a person.  I don't go out to experience new things.  When was the last time I went to a comedy club?  Or some off-broadway play?  Or an art installation that makes me think?  I cannot remember because it has been so long.

And what am I doing physically?  I've been held back by my foot problems.  So cardio has not been kept up.  So, I feel fat.  I feel unshapely.  I still lift weights.  But I need to do something new.  I don't feel comfortable in my skin.  I feel like I am so not in the shape I could be.  Maybe I need to take some new classes or get a training session of some sort?  Pilates?  Yoga?  Don't know.

I'm at a loss.  Oh. My. Goodness.  Is this a mid-life crisis?  Later.

Labels: Irritation, uninspired

  ¶ 11:21 PM