Boy, do I have some Tales to Tell...
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
I am scared. I shouldn't be scared. I believe that I have the same rights as anyone else but I am scared. Maybe I will just go ahead and go for it but I really am scared. I am scared to go into the steamroom at the gym.

The thing is that after teaching a couple of classes, I would love to be able to shower and sit in the steamroom for 15 minutes to loosen up, relax my muscles, and calm myself donw. The problem with most steamrooms in NYC is that they feel like one big porn flick waiting to happen. Especially during the evening hours which is when I tend to finish teaching and want to relax a bit.

Now to some of you, this may be a great source of fun. I guess it is a hoot if you are the type of person who enjoys the cruising that goes on in the steamroom. I myself do not find that interesting or appropriate. Even when I was a single, young, virile homosexual, I never enjoyed the "tension" that came with the steamroom.

All the stares and the walking in and out just drives me bonkers. I once tried to use the steamroom at one of the gyms that I teach at. All the walking in and out from steam to sauna and back drove me nuts. The strategic seating arrangements that some members use to show that they are interested in more than steam was not relaxing. The fact that eye contact may have some underlying meaning made me anxious. I ended up a lot more tense than when I had gone in.

Maybe one day, I will just walk in and say, "I am here to relax! If you are looking for someone to have sex with then just say so, get out of the steamroom, take them home, and have a good time." Maybe that will set a precedent. Maybe that will start a new trend. Maybe more people will stand up and reclaim their space in steamrooms across the City. One can dream. Later.
Saturday, May 22, 2004
When I was growing up, my family didn't have a lot of money. On top of that, my parents were very frugal. It's a trait that I have picked up. I remember wanting things like Atari, Nintendo, and even Texas Instruments. My parents would not have any of it. Instead, they gave me one dollar a week to play video games at the arcade every Friday night.

Well, fast forward to today... I am considering buying an old Nintendo 64 system plus the Mario Tennis game. I love Mario Tennis. Come to think of it, I love any type of tennis video game. I can't get into a lot of the new games. The graphics and all the other things going on just do not excite me. I tend to like things like Pac-Man, Dig Dug, baseball... simple stuff.

So, I went on Ebay to see if I could find a Nintendo 64 and I did. I found one for $20 (which included 6 games) and I found the Mario Tennis for $5. But for some reason, I can't get myself to buy it. I think it may be the frugal-part of me. I would like to think I could get over that, but I am not sure.

My partner said that if I get it, I will rarely see the light of day. Or the light of the gym. I don't think I will be that crazy... uh, after a couple of weeks. So, why can't I just do it? This worries me. Later.
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Every morning I wake up, I wonder how the hell I am going to do it again. Where am I going to channel my energy from? Will I make it through today's set? I'm referring to teaching step class.

Last night, I subbed a step class for a friend. As I entered the room to teach, I was contemplating how to get out of teaching the class. Should I fake some energy-sapping disease? Can I pretend that the stereo does not work? Should I slap a member and storm out in a fury?

I ended up teaching the class. Afterwards, people came up to me to tell me how much fun they had; even the ones who are regulars in my class. I am not sure why they had fun. The entire time, I thought that I had a scowl on my face that indicated armageddon.

I am not sure what happens during class. I sometimes wonder where any instructor gets their energy from. I wonder who I am channeling because I know for a fact that I am not that happy-go-lucky in real life. I don't know how I can exude joyful energy during class because before class, I have none.

After class, I am definitely wiped out. My body feels like it is about to drop to the floor, curl up into a ball, and hibernate until it can harness some energy from my fat stores. I sometimes wish it would; especially after step class.

And again, today, I wonder where the hell I am going to get the energy to teach my three classes tonight. If you know where, please tell me. Later.
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
So, us gays can now get married in Massachusettes. I must be one of the few gay men who does not want to get married. I understand the "benefits" of being able to declare someone as your spouse. I also support and admire my fellow homosexuals for pursuing this right we are being denied. I just don't want to get married.

I have been with my partner for six years. If you were to spend time with us, or even just one of us, you would definitely feel that we are married. The thing is, neither of us feels like we need to go through some antiquated ceremony that makes our commitment to each other official. Why can't we declare our partnership legally in some other way?

I do feel that all of us, homo or hetero, need to have the same rights. I do feel that being allowed to marry is a right we should have. I do believe that a lot of the laws in this country need to be reviewed to fit within our current socio-political strata. I do feel that heterosexuals who do not want to get married but are life-partners should also be able to get the same rights that their married bretheren have. I do believe the government needs to understand that being married is no longer the measure of two people's partnership.

I do. Later.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
It's no secret that I love to eat. As a matter of fact, just to clear things up, I exercise the way I do so that I can eat more. I was once the size of a house, so I started working out and lost a bunch of pounds. I learned that if I exercised properly, I could eat anything I want.

I never really understand people who deny themselves foods. My theory is that if you deny a craving, it only gets worse, forcing you to satisfy that craving by binging. If you had satisfied the craving earlier, you would not become a slave to it.

My biggest pet peeve is when I go out with people who "have to eat something that is Atkins-friendly." It's not that they eat a certain way. It's that most of the time, these same people give you dirty looks as you devour the bread basket before your order of fettucine alfredo arrives. Then they get huffy when you order a bottle of white wine to wash it down. I hate when they roll their eyes as I order a slice of tiramisu. Hey, look here, I am not on Atkins and I am not denying myself something because you can't.

It's not my fault that your lazy ass won't stop stuffing bagels down your gullet while sitting on the sofa. Get up and go take a spin class. Have you heard of a scoop of ice cream? Not a pint? If you don't like the fact that your ass is wide, then do something about it. Stop snacking on Milky Way bars and start working out. Maybe then you too can have some of this delicious sourdough baguette with your dinner. Later.
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Just got back from Atlanta... jeezuz, it is hot there and it is only May! While in Atlanta, I took a step class from who I assumed was one of the top instructors of the area. I assume that because the class was packed beyond belief, was during a primetime slot for teaching, and was apparently quite popular.

At the end of class, I walked over to my boyfriend, who also took class, and asked him if I looked like that during my class. Mike said, "Like that in what way?" I said, "Happy, cheerful, approachable." Mike replied, "You're not that happy, PERIOD."

While teaching step class last night, I noticed that I did not exactly exude joy. I certainly am animated when it comes to my movement and teaching. But I don't smile. I barely say anything else beyond my cueing. Am I doing this wrong? Shouldn't I be more cheerful and open? Shouldn't I interact more with the crowd? Shouldn't I be working the crowd?

I just never feel that I have to do that. I teach a good class (as I am told) and don't feel like I owe the students anything else. Maybe it is part of teaching in NYC. I always wonder why they come back again and again. I assume it's because they get a good workout. But wouldn't a bitchy instructor get on your nerves despite how good the workout is? Just wondering. Later.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
At 6:18pm today, my best friend, Kelsie, gave birth to her son, Auden James Yowler. He was a healthy 7 lbs. 8 oz. This is a sign of how old I really am getting.

Kelsie and I used to do everything together. When I taught, she took. When she taught, I took. We ate most of our meals together. We taught for the same gyms. We used to go dancing until the wee hours of the morning. One of my most memorable moments was a night at Twilo: I looked over to her and asked her what time it was. She said, "Oh God! It's 6:00am. We have to teach at 9:00!" We rushed out and went to go teach our classes. We met after for lunch.
She moved to Southern Jersey to start a family a few years ago. As of today, it has started.

She is a big reason I teach group exercise. She was who I looked to for help when it came to teaching. She is now a mother. We are both so happy. We both laugh about how our respective spouses are so amazing because they put up with us. WE ARE A MARRIED COUPLE!

I feel old but I feel happy. Later.
I'm just writing down some of the things that run through my head.

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Location: New York, New York, United States

Eating up the City before it eats me up. I'm a freelance cook who spends his free time working out, cooking for "my man", and wondering why the Right is so concerned about my bedroom.

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