Doughy.

I've never subscribed to the "customer is always right" code.  Mainly because they aren't always right.  And partly because nobody has the right to everything.

I worked a gig last night in the god-forsaken area called Queens.  Just to clarify, Queens is impossible to get around.  The street labeling makes no sense.  The areas that most people need to get to are nowhere near the subway.  And the people who live and work there hate it, refuse to admit they hate it, are overly protective of it, and are super-sensitive about it.

But this isn't a post about Queens.  I'd hate to dedicate that much time to it.

This is a post about customers who are demanding but have no idea what they are demanding.  It's a post about customers whose anxiety level is so high that they act irrational.  It's about customers who's lack of self-esteem factors into their decisions.  Who's fragile emotional state makes everything they do "an emergency".

Last night, my team was accused of making fun of the event we were working.  We couldn't make fun of the event we were working because we had no idea what the hell the event was about.  We were making fun of Queens.  We were making fun of the fact we had so many cooks working what we thought was an event that one person could have worked.  We were making fun of how none of us liked Queens.  And we were mistaken for making fun of an event.

We were approached about that and we owned up to what we did.  But our event planner is so new that she had no clue how to react to it all.  And the customer was so insecure that she took it all personally.  She is so insecure that she cannot trust that true professionals are in control of what they are doing.  I found this out because after the chef served the main entree, she approached him and said that she was glad that the food was good because she had big doubts about him cooking whole fish and portioning it table side.  Seriously?

This is a chef who runs a renowned restaurant.  A chef who makes the same dish in his restaurant every night.  A chef who has run the same restaurant for years.  And you don't trust him?

When I heard her say that, I watched her walk away and noticed her wide hips and panty line.  First of all, don't wear tights if you have wide hips.  Cause you won't find an appropriate thong and your panty line will be visible.  And frankly, I don't want feel like I should be assaulted by your big ass.

And if your big ass is the the source of all your insecurity, then work on it.  Don't let the rest of us suffer for it.  Don't hide behind the "customer is always right" code because you cannot separate one's disdain for the area you are in from the bullying in your past.  Get over it and work on it.

And while you're at it, work on that muffin top as well.  Later.

Labels: Irritation, negativity, Work

  ¶ 10:16 AM 0 comments

 

Stand-out.

I don't give myself enough credit for what I do.  Actually, for what I am capable of.  And for what I always do.  It's frustrating to be one's biggest critic.  You're always considered being "a show off" if you talk to anyone about it.  But the truth is, you're not.  You're not because nobody but you recognizes that you can actually out perform some of the folks that you work with who are given more credit than you.

I have a new work friend who I have lunch with a every week or so.  He's a nice guy.  Not as exposed as I thought he was.  Actually a bit underexposed.  Not sure if that's the correct word.  Maybe a little less experimental.  He definitely thinks that he's worth more than he is.  Nice guy but not as good a cook.  And certainly not as strong a cook as I am.  His confidence is certainly his strength.  Certainly more than me.

I also just worked with someone who has been in the industry longer than I have.  She gets work as a lead for a big company.  Are her skills better than mine?  Not at all.  She actually quite the mess.  She's known to cry during events if things aren't going well.  She's not a strong leader.  But yet, it's her confidence that gets her jobs that I should be getting.

Then there's my colleague who is a sous chef for a major corporation.  Very level headed.  Great personality.  Smart.  Can cook.  Can I do better on all levels?  Yes.  Has she accomplished more than I have?  To some degree.  So, why I'm I not where she is at least?  Confidence.

Maybe I need to learn how to create more.  Maybe I don't want to create more.  Do I really want to go beyond what I am doing already?  I am not sure.  I'm still trying to figure it out.  But it's hard because I am happy with what I am doing.  I get paid decently and I have very few responsibilities.  I see that I have opportunity but don't really strive harder to take advantage of it.  It's confusing for me.  I know I can.  People know I can.  But I just don't.  Something to think about in the next year.

For now, I will build a stronger reputation during 2013.  Maybe after, I'll feel that I deserve the credit.  Later.

Labels: Cooking, Irritation, pride

  ¶ 12:35 AM 0 comments

 

For real?

I'm a freelancer.

What that means is that I only make money when I work.

What that also means is that I compromise a lot in order to make money.

But what that also means is that I come at a price.  A price that I demand.  A price that I will only change if there are reasons that warrant me changing them.

The biggest reason I will not change is because I am being lied to.  Or deceived.  Or given ambiguities.

I am not opposed to working or working hard.  I am also not opposed to donating my time for a good cause.  But I am opposed to not being told the truth up front.  I am opposed to being given ambiguities when it comes to whether or not I am going to be paid properly.

What makes people think that I would be interested in "donating" my time to their cause?  Why would anyone think that I am unreasonable for wanting to get paid for what I do for a living?

It baffles me.  It baffles me that people would think that I would do what I do for a living at a compromised price.  It's weird that someone would be willing to compromise my livelihood.

I'm a freelancer.  But I'm not free.  Later.

Labels: Irritation, Work

  ¶ 12:02 AM 0 comments

 

Stay in the box.

 
I'm doing it again.  I'm moving forward too fast.  I need to reign it in.  I may have to make sure it doesn't get too far ahead.  Or it'll just be the same thing again.

I have this knack of making people in charge think that I want to be in charge as well.  I can't help but feel that they think that I am interested in being part of the people in charge.  I am trying to just work.  A little more pay is nice.  But I'm not always interested in being responsible.

Suddenly, I am being put in situations where I am in charge.  I'm sure it's because of my work ethic and demeanor.  It's quite flattering.  But sometimes, I just want to show up and work.  Not necessarily think.  Just work.

I am giving myself 2 years to keep doing what I am doing.  Cooking.  Just cooking.  Making money cooking.  Then I'll go from there.  But until then, I just want to work.  Not necessarily be in charge.  I don't mind taking charge.  But I don't need to have the title.  You know.  Later.

Labels: Irritation, Work

  ¶ 12:15 AM 0 comments

 

Hmmmmmm.

One would think that with the amount of technology available to keep us all in touch, it would make for more accountability.  But one would be wrong.

Very few things piss me off more than people who flake on me.  It just irritates me to the n'th degree.

You see, I'm fine with being cancelled on.  Just shoot me a quick note saying that you are not feeling well and would like a rain check.  I'm also fine with you giving me plans well in advance and not confirming BUT showing up for said plans.  I'm even fine with you giving me no reason to cancel our plans.  I'm fine with it all because there are times, I do the same thing.

What I am not fine with is you being all gung-ho about getting together, rescheduling me a couple of times, saying that you definitely want me to come hang with you and your posse (for which you state that I am a part of), and then only contacting me, after I text you, to tell me that you are already there.  REALLY?  So, at no time in your entire day were you able to send  me a note saying to just meet you at the place at the designated time?  REALLY?

I'm pissed.  I'm pissed because most of my plans are designed to fill in friend time with work time.  It's a factor of being a freelancer.  I don't get the same times off as the rest of the people I know.  So, I tend to accept certain jobs just to fit other people in.  I like my friends.  I want to spend time with them.

Maybe I need to re-configure some friendships.  Later.

Labels: Effort, friendship, Irritation

  ¶ 8:50 AM 0 comments

 

Feed.

A few years ago, I decided to embrace the fact that I am good at teaching.  I never really embraced the fact that I am.  It's weird because I have had tons of teaching positions since college.  I was picked out as a teaching assistant for a technical writing course.  I worked as a fitness instructor for 15 years.  I was an educator for a major organic grocery chain.  I also taught cooking classes while there.  So, about 3 years ago, I totally embraced it and accepted that I actually know how to get people to learn.

So, it bothers me immensely when people don't teach me what to do.  Because if you ask me to do something, I'll ask you specifics.  If you fail to communicate them to me, then I'll do it the way you told me with slight adjustments which I consider necessary to create a better product.  And it bothers me immensely, when you come over and have an attitude about it rather than just ask me to do it the way you previously did not communicate.  And it really bothers me when the person I am working with, who supposedly knows what is going on, doesn't correct me, and co-signs with the person who did not communicate with me properly.

Last night, I was tasked to brown some chicken.  I asked specifically what steps were being taken to finish the product.  The response was very inaccurate.  So, knowing that we had a huge amount of time, I decided to brown the chicken carefully.  Because I was asked to get good color.  A fellow cook, who has about as much tact and class as a nail, came over and said that I was wasting time and this is how I should do it... blah blah blah. 

I guess I'm bothered for three reasons:  one, we have so much time; two, none of the lead cooks complained to me about the way I was doing it, and they both checked on me twice; three, my fellow chicken cook, who didn't do it properly the first time, and was corrected properly by one of the leads, co-signed with the asshole to make herself look like she knew what she was doing. 

Seriously, we had so much time for this event that we sat around for 45 minutes waiting.  Guess, I had time to waste.

The two lead cooks, were fine with the way I was doing it.  NOBODY, including my fellow chicken cook, said anything to me.  I'm adult enough to take criticism.  And I love when people correct me if I am doing it wrong.  Don't be such a pussy about doing it.  But then again, my fellow chicken cook is a female and they notoriously lack any confidence in the kitchen.  Most won't say it but they definitely feel it.

I know she definitely has been put on the spot at events.  I know he definitely been put on the spot at events too (one instance actually involved me).  But here is the thing:  I've been put on the spot at events before.  My goal is to help others not be put on the spot.  My goal is to also teach my fellow workers how to cook properly for the company.  Not berate them and make them feel small.

I guess that's what makes me a good teacher.  Later.

Labels: Cooking, Irritation, Teaching, Work

  ¶ 9:51 AM 0 comments

 

What?

I feel so unattractive lately.  Not really physically.  And not really to people.  Just to myself.  I don't feel like I am doing anything to make me feel proud of who a I am physically and emotionally.  But I need to clarify that.

Am I happy that I am back in the kitchen cooking?  Absolutely.  I am good at what I do.  I can make money at what I love to do.  And I am working at places that are more than just tolerable.  One of them is even a place where I learn a lot about cooking.

Am I happy about my relationship?  Without a doubt.  I don't think I could have been any luckier meeting the man I am with.  It's not perfect but I don't expect it to be.

So, why don't I feel proud?  I just feel that I am not moving past what I am.  I don't feel like I do anything that makes me grow as a person.  I don't go out to experience new things.  When was the last time I went to a comedy club?  Or some off-broadway play?  Or an art installation that makes me think?  I cannot remember because it has been so long.

And what am I doing physically?  I've been held back by my foot problems.  So cardio has not been kept up.  So, I feel fat.  I feel unshapely.  I still lift weights.  But I need to do something new.  I don't feel comfortable in my skin.  I feel like I am so not in the shape I could be.  Maybe I need to take some new classes or get a training session of some sort?  Pilates?  Yoga?  Don't know.

I'm at a loss.  Oh. My. Goodness.  Is this a mid-life crisis?  Later.

Labels: Irritation, uninspired

  ¶ 11:21 PM 0 comments

 

AAHHRRGGHH!!

This past weekend, I got irritated at work.  I don't normally let stuff get to me in this line of work.  Especially because for the most part, I have my part to execute and as long as I do, nothing else bothers me.  Part of it is also age and experience.  I am to old to not know what my strengths are and how good I am.  Which is probably why I was massively irritated by a coworker.

This is not just any coworker.  She actually trained me in this kitchen.  I have come to realize that all her talk is basically self-encouragement.  She has utterly no confidence which to me means that she just is not that good a cook.  Don't get me wrong:  she can cook.  She just has so much self-doubt, it becomes an obstacle for her and eventually the rest of us.  I would consider her an okay cook.  But that's about it.

She is especially not a leader when it comes to the kitchen.  Which irritated me this weekend because for the third time in a row, she took over a position that she thinks showcases her to the owners and head chef.  The thing is, she becomes so flustered that she comes off looking like a mess.  Another coworker and I have realized that when she is not in the kitchen, the head chef leaves us to run the place.  Interesting.

So, what is one to do?  I think the next time she works a party with me, I am going to ask that she work the less stressful side.  I know she will have an issue because she once told me that she feels that everyone is trying to steal her job.  Issues!  It doesn't help that my head chef tells her how smooth things are when I work parties.  Not helping!  I guess I'll just say that I want a chance to work the more involved side; even though I already have and the head chef is confident in my skills.  Whatever.  She'll have to deal.  Later.

Labels: Irritation, Work

  ¶ 11:05 PM 0 comments

 

Makes me wonder

Every day that I leave the apartment, I get to witness how our society has just stopped trying.  Get on the bus and you'll see someone who acts like they have never gotten on public transportation.  Yes, you have to pay a fare and those gigantic machines on the sidewalk that everyone else used is where you pay it.  You really should have asked the people standing around.  Not just feigned knowledge of what the fuck you are doing.

Go to work and you'll meet people who would rather watch you make a mistake than help you.  I used to think that it was because people were being malicious.  Now I think it's because they just really don't know and have not taken the time to try to know. 

I worked a gig last night where I asked the guy next to me if he had done the task I was doing.  I told him it was my first time working with this company.  He told me I was fine the way I was doing it.  After getting half way through the task, the lead chef told me I was doing it wrong and had to fix it.  Luckily I could.  Seriously?  Why didn't the guy next to me, who supposedly had done all of this, correct me?  I just felt he was not trying.  And it was obvious throughout the night when I would work on 4 different appetizers while he worked on one.  ONE!

I'm not sure what not trying does.  People don't try to find out anything anymore.  People don't try to fix problems anymore.  People don't try to help others anymore.  Is it fear of failure?  Is it fear of being considered ignorant?  Is it fear of being rebuked? 

I'm trying to understand this all.  But maybe that's the problem.  I'm trying.  Later.

Labels: Effort, Irritation

  ¶ 6:35 PM 0 comments