Boy, do I have some Tales to Tell...
I'm sick again. Ugh. I feel like I have been sick a lot in the past three months. I don't understand why. Seriously, people who take less care of their bodies are not as sick as I have been. As with the last time, it started with a head cold and has now become a cough.
Tuesday was the first bad day. I couldn't call out of work because I had promised to be part of a big presentation. It's hard for me to just sit back and let things happen. I tend to take over. It's a huge fault. I have to work on letting go. So, as usual, during the presentations, I "took the stage." I cannot watch someone falter without stepping in to help. I often wonder why. I do have to say that I was the only one who got a round of applause. It was so "not the right place." But I got it anyway. It was both nice and awkward.
Wednesday was even worse. I actually called out of work. Thank goodness my OCD was in full swing and I had everything set up for the events that I was in charge of. They did fine without me. Plus I needed the rest. It didn't help as much as I wish it had.
So, today, Thursday, I went in. I had to cancel one out of three things I had to accomplish. It wasn't bad but I struggled through the day. I left early only to be thwarted by the subway. Apparently, something about some injury at 59th Street. They shut off the power and everything. Whatever... pull that bitch of the third rail and let's go!!
I did learn something very valuable today. I went to work and, of course, nothing was supposed to be where it was. I spent my first hour running around trying to find things. This aggravated me to no end. And, as is my M.O., I took it out on everybody in my way. Please don't think I am apologizing. I'm not. And on top of it all, certain parts of the store look kinda crappy. So, I sent out an email to certain folks talking about how this is all unacceptable.
So, here is what I learned:
- No matter how shitty a mood you are in, if you force yourself to be friendly and happy, you cannot help but remain friendly and happy.
- I have decided to no longer lower my expectations of people. I have lofty aspirations and my expectations are high but reachable. If I think that you are not performing properly, I will tell you and it will be done in a way that will most likely feel raw and untamed.
- The coddling of my co-workers is over. You want to be paid and treated like an adult-in-charge, then you will be: whether I am giving praise or reprimanding you.
- Friends are all that matters.
That's all. Later.
This weekend, after hanging out with a couple of co-workers, I got to wondering if anyone is really happy with their jobs. Even when I talk to people who do not work in the type of industry I do, they all seem disgruntled by how they are being treated by the Powers That Be in their offices. Sometimes it's about the compensation. Most times it isn't. It just feels like no matter what we do, we all seem beaten up.
Beaten up by the people we work for.
Beaten up by the people we serve.
Beaten up by the people we work with.
It seems to be unforgiving and unrewarding. It seems that everybody wants change but nobody wants to change it. It seems that people on all levels are not willing to put in the effort to make changes. It seems that people think that somehow, sometime, and somewhere, it will all magically happen. Apathy rules.
I can only speak for me. I feel like I try hard to make my work environment as positive and pleasant as possible. A co-worker of mine feels the same way. But for every three steps forward, I feel like I am being dragged back one by someone. We practically spoon feed employees nowadays. But it feels like they even want us to chew and swallow for them. Laziness rules.
I wonder if we realize that the legacy this work force is leaving is one where one punches in, aims for mediocrity, punches out, and goes home? Because, truth be told, nobody aims for the stars anymore. Nobody wears their hearts on their sleeve anymore. Nobody wants to grab the brass ring. Mediocrity rules.
So, how do we change all this? Can we change all this? I think it all starts with us. We need to start treating each other with more respect, more compassion, and definitely more kindness. We need to realize that we create the negative atmosphere we feel. If we just remember that everyone one of us is human. That everyone of us has the capacity to learn. Everyone of us has the capacity to teach. Everyone of us has the capacity to be positive. And if we all understand that that capacity can be turned into ability, then maybe this can all change for the better. Later.
I hate weddings. So, I don't go. I just turn them down. And when I do, I hate when parties involved call me to ask me why I did. I don't feel that I have to explain why I don't want to go. I am 38 years old and refuse to do so.
I should clarify that I will go to a commitment ceremony depending on who is having it. They have to be very good friends who will definitely not have an atypical ceremony. Like, when our friends, Darren and Mary, got married. The ceremony was by their pool, in their backyard, with drinks being served during. The reception was under a tent and was buffet-style BBQ. Loved it.
I also escorted a my friend Juan to a friend's lavishly glamorous wedding. It would have been traditional except they played Crazy In Love when the bride walked in. Plus, the only time we sat down was when we ate one of the seven courses. Then, it was back to the dance floor to get down and boogie. Not to mention it was on the rooftop of some hotel in NYC.
So, this summer, I have been invited to four ceremonies. I agreed to go with Mike to his niece's wedding. Hers will be a traditional wedding that will have it share of drama. Because it already has. Let's just say that Mike had to convince me to go. On the other hand, I had to convince Mike to go to his high school best friend's ceremony which is both a wedding and a celebration of 20 years with his partner. He agreed to go because we are going to see our friend Samara too!!! We turned down one and I am about to turn down the other.
I hate weddings because they are just, well, just too much. Too much money spent on trying to impress people. Too much time wasted on thinking of what others will think. Too much energy placed into something that is meant to be meaningful but turns out contrived. Too much effort placed in making everyone happy. Too much drama because someone doesn't want to sit next to someone else; or the other way around. It's all just too much for me to be bothered with.
The one I am about to turn down involves my side of the family. The invitation came today and, FINALLY, they invited me and Mike. Not me and "a friend". It's nice but still not enough to make me want to go. I may be the only person in my family missing from that wedding. My sister has complained that she will have to explain my absence. I told her to tell the truth. That I don't go to weddings. Period. She frowned when I said that. I told her that whatever she does, don't lie or make excuses for my choice. Just tell them that I hate weddings. That's all. Later.
I've been in a rut the past few weeks and the beginning of this week was not different. On Monday, I had to welcome 13 new hires to my company. Combined, they had the personality of dead rats. Which only made me even more irritated. Is it really that hard to crack a smile? Especially since, even though, like dead rats, I would rather incinerate all of them, I still give them a warm welcome? I seriously have no faith in a lot of the people we hire.
I was especially feeling ornery because I was leaving Monday late afternoon for a two-day team building event with my fellow educators. The idea of spending an extended amount of time with them was not something I wanted to do. And, the worst part is that I did not hide it from anyone. My only saving grace was the fact that my new BFF
was going to be there. So, at 5:30pm, Richie picked me up and we headed to Long Beach Island, New Jersey.
To say that I had fun would not be giving the entire experience credit. I am not sure if my expectations were so low that anything mildly interesting would make the event a success for me. Nonetheless, I am back and rejuvenated. And, on top of all that, we got paid to be there!
I even bonded with people that I didn't expect to. I have never had this much fun on a business trip. Thanks Richie! If I weren't already with the love of my life, I would have to marry you. And thanks for agreeing to stay an extra day to just enjoy the sun and the sand. It really did help more than you know.
And today, I taught the same 13 "dead rats" two classes. Some of them have actually opened up and became people with personalities. I was drained afterward but not down. I am way to high to be pulled down that quickly. Later.
So, I finally went to see Sex and the City: the movie. And, as predicted, no matter what the critics say, IT WAS GREAT!!!!! Actually, it was all I wanted it to be. I was not disappointed at all. Mike put it best: it was formulaic BUT what an great formula! If they had not stuck to the formula, I would have been pissed. If they do a sequel, I may expect something different. Well. NAH.
I think we all watched Sex and the City because it was like living vicariously through the four ladies. Personally, I am Carrie. Even Mike said so. During one of the scenes, he laughed and turned to me and said, "That's something you would say." It was one of Carrie's lines.
Anyway, I cried at points. Four to be exact. I am going to go see it again. My friend Janice came along with us. It was her second time. She loved it that much. I loved it that much. Even Mike loved it that much. Well, maybe not enough to see it again. Later.
One of my favorite things about summer is drinking rosé wine. Not blush wine. Blush wine is that syrupy, sweet wine that people, who don't really know about wine, drink. I am talking that dry but juicy beverage that helps ward away the heat of the summer.
I love rosé wine. I prefer them juicy with a lot of fruit lingering on the palette. I love anything from the Loire Valley of France. There are also some great ones from Spain. Lately, I have had some quite dry but thirst-quenching selections made from malbec. I love them so much that I actually purchase them for the house. As a matter of fact, as I type this entry, I am about to finish off a bottle of rosé d'Anjou. From the Loire Valley. Delicious.
If you haven't tried one yet, head over to your local wine shop and try a bottle. They tend to be quite inexpensive. Except with the dollar being as strong as wet toilet paper, prices have gone up a bit. May I suggest going to your local winebar to try something new? I would. I do. I love that I have three more months to do so. Yay, summer. Yay, rosé wine. Yay. Later.
One of the things I wanted to do this summer was enjoy more of what NYC had to offer. So, to start off, I purchased tickets to a movie
that is screening at NewFest
. I am very excited. Especially since I have actually communicated with the director. If you are wondering why, it's because I am in a bit of a moment where I am finding inspiration in other Asians who are doing what they want to do.
Anyway, I actually thought of volunteering for the event in an effort to not only help them but to also be able to see more independent GLBT films. Unfortunately, I have to be away for three days that week. Because of some Team Build event that my regional group at work is going to have. I would rather spend my time watching some films. Which says a lot because I am not the type of person who jumps at the chance to go see a movie. I am finding the bulk of my team more and more intolerable.
I even found a movie that I am really interested in seeing. It screens on the Tuesday that I have to be at this stupid team build. I swear I am going to be reprimanded for not being positive about this whole thing. I will go because me not going will cause more wrinkles than I care to deal with. Richie will be there, so he'll make it more fun. And I am looking forward to spending time with another coworker, Janet. Other than that, I really don't want to be around most of them. Especially the person who basically is in charge of this team.
I hope I can catch this movie somewhere else. I hope it finds a distributor. I hope I don't slap anyone at the team build. Later.