Boy, do I have some Tales to Tell...
About 15 years ago, I moved into my studio apartment in Chelsea. This was the start of what was to become one of the most amazing times in my life.
Like anything that defines a moment, it was truly a coming together of various things. I was making some decent money. I was in one of the best shapes of my life. I was in my mid-twenties. I was beginning to discover myself.
I remember thinking that Gay Pride weekend was one to celebrate. And boy did I. There wasn't a party I did not attend. I was everywhere. I was having too much fun for one person. I had an entourage of boys. And they were just so much fun. And on top of that, they were all beautiful. I was out there celebrating. Showing my Pride.
So, what now? I am settled down with the love of my life. Home by 10:00pm after a night of dinner and drinks with a great friend. A lesbian friend, no doubt. My drug of choice is wine. And food. Lots of food. I am in one of the best shapes of my life I am the big 4-0. Things could scarcely be better.
Now that is showing your Pride. Happy Gay Pride to everyone out there. Live loud. Live true. Live Proud. Later.
I am surrounded by a lot of people who are unhappy in their relationship. I have no words to describe how I feel but I am a bit scared that I have the most stable relationship of all the people around me. Or is it?
So, what makes me think my relationship is, well, functional? Let's see: we have our fights but they are outweighed by our laughs. We talk about things more often than not. We enjoy each others company but don't mind our alone time. We have our domestic disagreements but help each other out always. Money is never a source of disruption. And we still start phone conversations with words like "Hey sweet" or "Hello, my love."
Is this normal? Or are we just weird?
But why am I committing this to a blog entry? Because I am surrounded by people who are either in relationships that are over or are trying to add spark to relationships that seem to have fizzled. Or are miserably single. And they complain about how miserable they are. All of my married friends are basically done with it. Those who are in relationships seem to be imploding or compromising themselves to "have a relationship." Well except one.
We have one couple friend who seem to be, for the most part, calm. B & Y just had their first baby. I would say that for both of them, this is their second marriage. But they are not married. And don't seem to be concerned that they aren't. We have the most amazing time with them and their toddler J. Who seems absolutely fascinated by the world. And this is coming from someone who hates kids. The rest of my coupled friends just seem done.
But they are staying. And complaining. And I don't understand why. Leave. I know. You stay for the kids. But is that really enough? I don't think so. But I am not there. So, what do I know. Well, not enough. Which is why I am typing this. Maybe someone can clue me in. Later.
Can someone please tell me why? Why is it that after you are done working out and showering, you leave your towels strewn on the bench or hanging on an open locker door? Seriously?
There's a bin for used towels about two steps away. Just walk over and put it in. Better yet, since most of you are straight, practice your foul shot. And while we are on the subject, when you are done with your locker, empty it out and close the fucking door. I have seen a lot of people bang their head on that open locker door. I've even seen someone cut their head open.
This is a phenomenon I just do not understand. Why can't people just clean up after themselves? Is this what happens at their homes? It's disgusting. And no, the housekeeper is not always there to clean up for you. He's supposed to be taking care of the entire facility.
So, do me a favor and put your USED skanky towel in the bin. I don't want to touch it. And before you leave, close the locker door. Thanks. Later.
I sometimes get asked about relationships. Actually, I always get asked how I maintain my relationship. I give them some routine answer about communicating and being honest. But the truth is there is no real answer to the question of how to maintain a relationship. With anyone.
There are always two personalities involved and the older the person gets the less it is likely to change. And no matter how much you think things will change, they really won't. If anything the idiosyncrasies intensify. What bothers you now, will bother you even more later.
So, why stay? I also don't have an answer for that. Some people get tired and move on. Some people put up with it and stay. Who knows what's right. What's right is what makes you a person. I guess the secret is to never lose who you are in a relationship.
Maybe the answer is to be a couple but still be individuals. I don't know. I am not even sure why my relationship works. Or does it? Or is what it is what I consider working? I can tell you that it's not easy. I sometimes wonder why we bother at all. I sometimes wonder why anyone bothers to find a relationship. I still think it's easier to be single. Get your shit together and enjoy being single. Maybe that's it.
Maybe that's the secret. Being single and having your shit together. Maybe. If I ever find out why, I'll share it. Later.