I'm not often out of control of how I feel. I tend to understand why I feel a certain way. I tend to understand where my feelings come from. I don't always like them. But I deal with them. But two things are throwing me off right now. Two things I can identify but won't put down in writing.
I will own up to one of them. I will own up that I do have control of one. I am choosing not to deal with me "fixing" this issue. I'm not really at my wits end about it. I'll just deal. Truth is that the source of my lack of control is not what people think. It's more of the people around who are thinking it. Actually, more their actions. But it is what it is. I am not done enough. Yet.
The other one is not one I want to own up to. And it will be hard to reconcile. Because their actions are not something they realize they are doing. And I am not willing to tell them. Because I am not there. I am not sure I want to go there. I don't think it's worth it. I know it isn't. But it still is something that has bothered me enough to write about.
And maybe that is all I needed to do. Write about it. Because, now that I see it in words. I know how crazy it is to even feel this way. But I do. And I have to go through it. I probably will never tell. And it will always be there. But some things just have to be there. Because one doesn't always have control. And one shouldn't always have control. And that in itself is the reconciliation. Later.