Like many people out there, work has become... well, work. I had a talk about it with the person I work for. Who I am not currently enamored with. Actually, I used to be a big supporter. Not so much, anymore. It's sad. Sad because I hate when I catch people in a blatant lie. But it's fine. You're just trying to do you. So do you. Just let me do me. Even when I am down. What I really hate is that I had been warned. Live and learn. Not sure what to do next. But I ain't stupid.
I find it very interesting that people I work with have a hard time seeing me down. I tend to be the cheerleader of the team. The person who finds joy in everything and anything. So, when I am at the low part of my cycle, people can see a difference. What irritates me is that I am often not just left alone to let the cycle pass.
I am not sure why people feel that they need to keep me happy. Or figure out how to. It's not like I am in charge or anything like that. I would not even classify myself as essential. More periphery. But I guess I affect enough people that when I am down, they all feel it. I should listen more to what people ask me. In retrospect, I need to listen to people who I respect. There aren't that many anymore. But whatever. As I told my superior, even at what I consider below average, I still am better than 95% of my peers.
You see, I aim for very, very high standards. I've been told I need to understand that what I consider average is considered high. I've actually been told that I may need to lower my standards. Great. I would understand if they actually even aimed for average. Problem is I don't see them even aiming. Including who I work for. So, when I pull back and away from taking on things that I am not supposed to, some people perceive it as disconnecting. Fine. Take it as you want. But I am still one of the best at what I do. Ask around.
But I need to learn to do 'my" job. And not worry about the rest. It'll take some time. But I need to. So, here I am. Ready. Set. Go.