When I lived by myself, in my Chelsea studio, I didn't have at television. I lived for 5 years without a TV. I spent my time listening to music. Lots and lots of music. And this was before you easily downloaded music off the web. I think I need to go back.

A lot of the ways I feel seem to be attached to certain songs. Not necessarily a specific person (with certain exceptions) or a specific genre. Just specific songs. I'm sure that there is some terminology to describe this fact. I listen to music as inspiration. I've always sung out loud. I don't think I have a good voice. I don't even think I know how to really sing. But I think that my emotions feel stronger when I sing. I used to attend church with my parents to be able to sing out loud. It was the only way the service felt tolerable.

What is it about songs by the Carpenters that makes me feel joy? Is it Karen's voice? And Not Ready to Make Nice by the Dixie Chicks always makes me feel empowered. The carefree beats of Freestyle. The naive desperation of How Do I Live Without You by Leanne Rimes. The hope of Angel by Sarah MacLachlan. The unparalleled "fuck-off-ness" of Madonna. Thank goodness I have YouTube to look back on all of them.

Lately, I have found myself going back to listening to music. Granted it tends to be on YouTube. But I do it while I do things like... well, blog. I can't live without my iPod. I think I a looking for inspiration. Inspiration to do something. To feel stronger. Something. Later.  ¶ 9:52 PM