I'm sick again. Ugh. I feel like I have been sick a lot in the past three months. I don't understand why. Seriously, people who take less care of their bodies are not as sick as I have been. As with the last time, it started with a head cold and has now become a cough.

Tuesday was the first bad day. I couldn't call out of work because I had promised to be part of a big presentation. It's hard for me to just sit back and let things happen. I tend to take over. It's a huge fault. I have to work on letting go. So, as usual, during the presentations, I "took the stage." I cannot watch someone falter without stepping in to help. I often wonder why. I do have to say that I was the only one who got a round of applause. It was so "not the right place." But I got it anyway. It was both nice and awkward.

Wednesday was even worse. I actually called out of work. Thank goodness my OCD was in full swing and I had everything set up for the events that I was in charge of. They did fine without me. Plus I needed the rest. It didn't help as much as I wish it had.

So, today, Thursday, I went in. I had to cancel one out of three things I had to accomplish. It wasn't bad but I struggled through the day. I left early only to be thwarted by the subway. Apparently, something about some injury at 59th Street. They shut off the power and everything. Whatever... pull that bitch of the third rail and let's go!!

I did learn something very valuable today. I went to work and, of course, nothing was supposed to be where it was. I spent my first hour running around trying to find things. This aggravated me to no end. And, as is my M.O., I took it out on everybody in my way. Please don't think I am apologizing. I'm not. And on top of it all, certain parts of the store look kinda crappy. So, I sent out an email to certain folks talking about how this is all unacceptable.

So, here is what I learned:

1. No matter how shitty a mood you are in, if you force yourself to be friendly and happy, you cannot help but remain friendly and happy.
2. I have decided to no longer lower my expectations of people. I have lofty aspirations and my expectations are high but reachable. If I think that you are not performing properly, I will tell you and it will be done in a way that will most likely feel raw and untamed.
3. The coddling of my co-workers is over. You want to be paid and treated like an adult-in-charge, then you will be: whether I am giving praise or reprimanding you.
4. Friends are all that matters.

That's all. Later.  ¶ 12:05 AM