For the past week, I have been in a funk. I know it's a combination of everything that surrounds me. Even though I had fun this weekend with a couple of fun guys, I still have been feeling low. My co-worker told me that I was normally her beacon of sunshine. But certainly not lately. Today, I spoke to a co-worker who I respect. She asked me to tell her what it was that was bothering me. So I did.

Work has been busy. Not so busy that I feel it is overwhelming me. It's just that I have been feeling that a lot of what we do is just... bullshit. The urgency and fatalistic view my superiors seem to take on all of what we do just seems stupid. Especially since, if you think about it, it all really does not matter. We sit at our desks or stand in our aisles spewing idealistic views of what we are doing but, truth be told, we don't really follow these ideals. All that we really are supposed to do is make a lot of money for the company. And even though we make a lot, benefits are being cut, quantity has replaced quality, and people are becoming tertiary.

I know that it's not just any company's fault. Part of the fault has to do with us. Remember that phrase, "The rich get richer while the poor get poorer?" They should change it to "The dumb get dumber..." Not only do they get dumber but they multiply faster. Meanwhile, the smart are smart enough to not bring more lives into this under-achieving cycle. It's no longer true that if you build it, they will come. They'll come if you shove them onto a cart and push them to it. Then, you have to lift their heads so that they even see it. It all just seems endless.

This isn't about the population who actually reads blogs like this. This is about the population who finds it more important to figure out the lyrics to a song than to be able to compose a sentence with proper grammar. I often wonder why it is no longer a shame to not be able to spell correctly? I often wonder if half the people that work with me know how to read. Cause they sure act like they can't. I wonder how they even wipe their asses at times.

On top of all of that, we have crazy natural disasters in Myanmar and China. Unbelievable amounts of people dead. I wonder if the numbers matter to them? I wonder if they value their lives more now? I wonder if people in this country understand how valuable life is? I have little faith that worldwide disasters make them realize the preciousness and fragility of life. I have very little faith in humankind lately.

And that little faith even becomes smaller when you find out that your good friend is a victim of rape. I couldn't stop crying after she told me. I didn't do it in front of her. I just sat and listened as she told me how she was drugged at a bar, dragged to a hotel room, and raped. He confessed to the police but may be retracting it all. They have him on video. Forensic evidence proves it was him. And now he wants to go to court. I left work and cried. Behind my tears is just rage. Rage for her co-worker that did this to her. Rage for the co-workers that did not take care of her. They are all kicking themselves for not reading the signs. But then again, they were duped by him just like she was. Then again, hindsight is 20/20.

So, I've been in a funk. I find it all just futile. It seems that we all just want our piece of the pie. Yet, we don't want the responsibility of baking the damn thing. And, those of us who have the balls to make the crust, cook the filling, assemble it all, and put it in the oven... well, are we the stupid ones? Are we the ones the rest of society assumes will carry the burden of their apathy? Are we the ones who are supposed to catch what slips through the cracks? It really doesn't seem to change. And, I think, it's because most of us don't want it to. We just want someone else to change it for us. Later.  ¶ 11:35 PM