As a child, I had a very hard time saying goodbye to anyone. My parents always had friends over for dinner or drinks. Our guests ranged from only adults to kids and their parents. I always had a good time with anyone over. I loved it. I loved it so much that I remember having a very difficult time saying goodbye when they were leaving. It good so bad that at one point, I would run into the bedroom crying. In my mind, I just wanted to avoid the farewell. I could not take it. My mother actually had to sit me down one day to explain that it was okay to see them go. That they would be back soon.

Turns out, things really have not changed. When my best coworker buddy moved to a different region, I could barely say goodbye. On his last day, our schedules did not match. I was leaving earlier in the day than he was. I practically ran out of there. There was a going away party for him that most of my team attended. I could not get myself to.

Today, my teammates had a going away party for our Store Team Leader. I said that I would show up. I didn't. This one is particularly hard for me. She hired me into the company. She also gave me the current position I hold. She has been nothing but supportive and encouraging. She is just not a coworker. She is a friend and loved one. She really isn't going that far. Just to another store. But I can't get myself to say bye. I won't. I refuse to. When it came time to sign a goodbye card for her, I wrote a protest rant about her leaving. I meant it. I don't dread going into work tomorrow but I just feel that there is something missing. And it isn't very motivating.

I wish I had my mom here to tell me everything will be okay. Later.  ¶ 11:41 PM