A few years ago, while having a dinner of turkey sausage with sauteed kale on brown rice, at my studio apartment, with my then boyfriend, the conversation went like this:
Tim: Oh, by the way, I had plans to go to Fire Island with Y. this coming weekend.
I: Are you going?
Tim: Yeah. We're just going to chill out and hang by the pool.
I: Well, if you go, don't do any drugs because I won't respect you, if you do.
I: Well, I respect you but you shouldn't do drugs.
A few days later, while having a dinner of corn salad and barbecue chicken, at Y.'s share, the conversation went like this:
Y: So, how is I. doing?
Tim: Fine, I guess.
Y: You guess?
Tim: Okay. Not so fine.
Tim: Well, he told me not to do drugs because he would not respect me if I did.
Y: You need to dump him.
Y: Anyway, I have a half an X for you, if you want one.
Y: Not that you should and I am not forcing you.
Y: But if you do, I am here for you.
A few hours later, while doing what I think is dancing, at a dance club, the conversation went like this:
Y: Are you having fun?
Tim: Oh, yeah.
Y: I see it's kicked in.
Tim: It has?
Y: Oh yes it has.
And so began my foray into the world of club drugs, circuit parties, and sleep deprivation. I continued this path for a couple of years. It had it's moments. I have a lot of memories of wonderfully joyous times. I did it all - X, G, K, Tina, acid. If you didn't guess, I. and I did not last. I still his holier-than-thou face. Funny how he can be judgemental about what I did. Especially because he was a prostitute at one time.
I am lucky that I was able to get out of that scene without having to go through rehab. Or catch any sort of disease. I don't know how I did but I did. I am very thankful for it. I would never tell anyone to do drugs. Then again, I would never tell anyone not to. Decisions are all your own but understand what their consequences are.
I think this weather reminds me of nights I would go out and just dance the night away. High on Trail Mix (crushed X and K). I remember just riding the music and thoroughly enjoying it. I can still "ride the music" although without enhancement. I just have to be on a stage dancing by myself. But I can do it. Lucky me. Lucky, lucky me.