Boy, do I have some Tales to Tell...
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
"We don't hang out with other gay couples. Actually, come to think of it, we don't hang out with other gay men. At all."

This was part of a conversation that Mike and I had after returning from a picnic in Sheep's Meadow today. Despite the forecast of thunderstorms and hail, Mike and I headed out to Central Park with our friend Donna. We were meeting up with six other people to just hang out and enjoy having a day off. I packed a cheese platter, some crudite with balsamic vinaigrette dip, and a bag of sliced baguette. When the skies darkened and thunder began to sound, we packed up and headed home.

Once home, I realized that Mike and I don't really hang out with any gay couples. None of the six other people we met were homosexual. Actually, it was a hetero couple and four single hetero ladies. Actually, we barely hang out with other gay men. We have some lesbian friends but not ones that we really hang out with on a regular basis. We do have some gay male friends but, again, not ones that we really hang out with on a regular basis.

That's when I said to above quote to Mike. He asked me to name the gay couples we know. And one by one, we came up with reasons not to be around them. During dinner with Donna, we brought up this fact. She said that we really were not the type of gay men who hang out with other gay men for that mere fact.

There is a part of me that is slightly disturbed by this. Of the two gay male friends that I consider close, one has moved far away while the other has not become that close. Early on in our relationship, Mike and I had started hanging out with a couple but realized that the only thing we had in common was the fact that they were another Asian/Caucasian couple (and let me tell you that I am not your regular garden-variety Asian). Then, they adopted a kid and I had to not be part of that. The other gay couple we know is way too political. Mike and I are not into spending time with our friends at some sort of rally. Mike's single gay male friends are great but they don't really want to be hanging out with an old married couple. And the two gay couples that we actually do like live in San Francisco and Chicago. Not so convenient.

I certainly don't want to force a friendship just because I think we don't have any friends who are a gay couple. I'm not sure why we have never really gotten close to other gay couples. I'm not even sure why this is bothering me. We're certainly both fine with each of us hanging out with our gay male friends individually and together. We have tons of female friends. I don't know. I can't explain it but I think I need to know why. Later.
George and I had been having this discussion six months ago & we couldn't sort it out either. I still don't have many gay friends. Let me know if you manage to get to the bottom of it.
Sometimes I wish I had more gay friends. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me because I don't feel compelled to go to Pride parties or to Fire Island, Ptown, etc. Then again, when I'm around my straight friends, I do feel that they don't really "get it" if you know what I mean.
The majority of my gay friends i've onl just met in the past year through blogging. I find that its a lot easier to pick your friends based on their blog content, it helps you cut through all the crap in getting to know someone. Before that though I didn't have many gay friends either. Most people in general annoy the hell out of me. The only issue with all my gay friends being bloggers is that most of them don't live near me but it makes it more special when we get together.
We don't really hang with our gay friends either. We don't know any other asian/caucasian couples. We are fairly close to 2 couples, which means that we see those guys maybe twice a year, and talk maybe twice a year.
Then again, we don't really hang out much with our straight friends/couples. Again, maybe a couple times a year.
So what do we do? We don't really hang out much with each other except weekends. What we ARE doing is each dealing with two jobs (of interest, not of necessity, which is to say that we are probably both ADHD influenced), our separate houses. But it is nice to spend weekends in veg mode, flopped on each other with a rented movie, going out for pizza and dessert. Maybe in a few more years we'll get around to moving in together.
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I'm just writing down some of the things that run through my head.

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Location: New York, New York, United States

Eating up the City before it eats me up. I'm a freelance cook who spends his free time working out, cooking for "my man", and wondering why the Right is so concerned about my bedroom.

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