"We don't hang out with other gay couples. Actually, come to think of it, we don't hang out with other gay men. At all."
This was part of a conversation that Mike and I had after returning from a picnic in Sheep's Meadow today. Despite the forecast of thunderstorms and hail, Mike and I headed out to Central Park with our friend Donna. We were meeting up with six other people to just hang out and enjoy having a day off. I packed a cheese platter, some crudite with balsamic vinaigrette dip, and a bag of sliced baguette. When the skies darkened and thunder began to sound, we packed up and headed home.
Once home, I realized that Mike and I don't really hang out with any gay couples. None of the six other people we met were homosexual. Actually, it was a hetero couple and four single hetero ladies. Actually, we barely hang out with other gay men. We have some lesbian friends but not ones that we really hang out with on a regular basis. We do have some gay male friends but, again, not ones that we really hang out with on a regular basis.
That's when I said to above quote to Mike. He asked me to name the gay couples we know. And one by one, we came up with reasons not to be around them. During dinner with Donna, we brought up this fact. She said that we really were not the type of gay men who hang out with other gay men for that mere fact.
There is a part of me that is slightly disturbed by this. Of the two gay male friends that I consider close, one has moved far away while the other has not become that close. Early on in our relationship, Mike and I had started hanging out with a couple but realized that the only thing we had in common was the fact that they were another Asian/Caucasian couple (and let me tell you that I am not your regular garden-variety Asian). Then, they adopted a kid and I had to not be part of that. The other gay couple we know is way too political. Mike and I are not into spending time with our friends at some sort of rally. Mike's single gay male friends are great but they don't really want to be hanging out with an old married couple. And the two gay couples that we actually do like live in San Francisco and Chicago. Not so convenient.
I certainly don't want to force a friendship just because I think we don't have any friends who are a gay couple. I'm not sure why we have never really gotten close to other gay couples. I'm not even sure why this is bothering me. We're certainly both fine with each of us hanging out with our gay male friends individually and together. We have tons of female friends. I don't know. I can't explain it but I think I need to know why. Later.