You know that feeling you get when you have to do something that you don't really want to do? But in order to get something you want, you have to go through the process of doing this certain act even though you dread doing it? You're not terrified enough to not do it but you are scared enough to be nervous throughout the whole process?

Well, for me, the process is flying on an airplane. I hate the whole process. I hate it all.

Please don't get me wrong. I love seeing new places. Experiencing new cultures. Eating foreign foods. Meeting different people. I just hate the fact that I need to get onto a plane to experience some of the better things. I can handle packing for a trip. The rest of the process, I loathe.

I loathe waiting for the car service/getting a cab/taking a train to get me to the airport. I loathe getting my baggage examined when I check it in (yes, I check everything in, I hate people who wheel their drama on the plane!). I loathe being shoved into a tight plane seat like cattle. I loathe the take-off, the cruising at 30,000 feet, the turbulence, the ding-ding-ding of the seatbelt light, the preparing to land, the ultra-fakely-friendly flight crew, and the not-so-useful pillow & blanket. I don't mind the landing because it means that we have arrived at my destination. I loathe the rush to get off the plane. I loathe the walk to the baggage claim. I loathe the drama of transportation to my hotel/B&B. Let's just say I loathe it all.

I never really understand how some people can be so comfortable in an airport? You see them. All relaxed waiting for their flight. Reading their magazines or cheerfully conversing with their fellow travellers. What drugs are they on? And can I have a couple? I am so full of anxiety and angst that I cannot even fathom having a cocktail before the flight. I have had a bottle of wine on the plane but only because either my man has bought me one or the guy next to me did (and that only happened once when I was single). I've tried but can't even get myself near any comfort level that would be considered... comfortable.

I don't know what to do. Drugs don't really help. I've tried taking anti-anxiety ones. They do lessen the anxiety but I still am not comfortable. Sleeping pills are only feasible for me on flights longer than 8 hours. Any less and I become so drugged out, I risk the chance of being arrested for intoxication. And, if I do take them, I become so lethargic, it takes me a couple of days to recover. Not something I want to be doing on my trips.

And now, the parents have moved to the Philippines. And I am supposed to visit. The man has already stated that he will be fully drugged out for any trip to those Islands. It takes 24 hours from the East Coast to get to Southeast Asia. Great, more time in a process I loathe.

Later.  ¶ 10:38 PM