Everyone probably has a friend (or two) who they feel needs to change something in their lives. More specifically, you probably feel that the friend needs to cut themselves loose from their current romantic involvement. My great friend, Christine, recently moved back to New York City. I love Christine for many reasons but one of the biggest ones is that she is more than willing to point out people's... well... issues.
Recently, Christine met up with me and my co-worker L., whom she has met, for a drink and a bite. After getting caught up on each other's goings-on, Christine asked L. how his relationship was going. L. began talking about how much he was in love with his girlfriend, how they were still enjoying each other's company, how her jealousy was kinda cute, how she was bitch, demanding, and mean, at times. The look on Christine's face was one of pure disturbance. The look on mine was yeah-business-as-usual. Not being able to contain herself, Christine asked L. if he thought the relationship was not good for him. After, some hemming and justifying on L.'s part, Christine said that she felt L.'s relationship was not healthy for him; especially considering that L. was about to embark on a big life change.
The next day, L. approached me at work and said "Christine thinks I am fucked up, right?" The wording made me think carefully about my answer which was "Christine just thinks that everyone deserves a healthy relationship and anything that involves some sort of negative behavior and doubt is not healthy." Later on, L. approached me again and told me about someone who had given him his number asking him out. L.'s response to this was interesting. He said that he had a girlfriend but didn't really rule out the possibility of a date.
(Okay, are you still with me? I know. It's confusing.)
So, L. asked me what I think. About the guy asking him out and about the girlfriend. I told him that he needed to make sure that he was surrounding himself with positive people who were going to be there for him because he was about to embark on a big life change. Unfortunately, I had to take care of some customer issue, so I was not able to go beyond that sentence.
Here's the thing: I think L. should break up with his girlfriend because it is not a healthy relationship. I also think the girlfriend may not be as faithful as she says. With the major life change L. has embarked on, I think he needs to be around people who are more loving and supportive. And I think L. may need to figure out what he wants. On his own. I wish he would stop justifying the girlfriend's unpleasantness. She happens to like me a lot but when it comes to others, she is not very nice. I believe L. had to give up a bunch of his friends to be with her.
I'm normally very forthcoming with my feelings but I feel I need to stay out of this relationship. I have skirted around the issue and I am really not interested in going beyond what I say but I know that Christine's words have planted a seed of doubt in L.'s head about his poor relationship. Hopefully, he'll be able to make the right decisions.