I hate it. I hate that when I see you, I go through so many emotions. We laughed. We cried. We smiled. A lot. I want it back. But I know that it won't be the same. I see you and I remember. Remember too much. Remember too well.

I remember all the places we went for drinks. All the places we had great meals. The fun times we had dancing. The fun we had getting dressed up. You always made me smile. You always did. I hate that to this day you always will. But even if you come back, it will never be the same. It can't.

I remember when M.'s mom died so suddenly. I held it together until the funeral. Then, I lost it when you asked C. to walk M. out of the church. I sobbed for hours. I remember when we ran into A. With his newborn. I cried all night after that. You brought on so many tears and, yet, I want you back. Why?

I want you back because of the laughs. When S. fell in love with someone, who's shortcomings went totally against her beliefs. You made me laugh so hard when you told me that story. I laughed even harder when you brought me to your beachhouse for a great weekend. C. got crabs from the boy. Thank god, I never got crabs. We had fun. Too much.

I see you around and I often think of what more fun we would have had. But you had to go. Sometimes, things just have to end. Lots of pain but I think we both knew that it was okay. Okay to stop before it became more painful.

But here's the thing: I love you. I still do. My heart breaks when I think of you. When I think of what could have been. I miss you. I've moved on and it's been great. But sometimes, I think you could have been more. I hate you for not being there with me to find out if it could have. You left. You left me.

But, I can't blame you. I miss you. I really miss you, Sex and the City. Love, tim.

Later.  ¶ 11:33 PM