First, everyone MUST
go out and see Transamerica
. If only for Felicity Huffman's performance. The movie was funny, poignant, sad, and touching. I cried like a baby at the end. I was surprised at how much I bawled. I was even more surprised that I bawled at this alternative-lifestyle-themed movie and not that other one.
A friend of mine is considering gender re-assignment. She has talked to me a bit about it; mostly she wants my point of view. I was hesitant to talk to her about it mainly because I was not really sure how I felt about it all. I certainly do not know what it is like to think that the body I have is not the right one. Or to wake up in the morning and be so disgusted by what I see in the mirror that I would consider painful means to get out of it.
After listening to her talk about the possibility of re-assignment, I asked her why she would even consider it. Her answer was not very succinct. As a matter of fact, I am not sure what her answer was; it was a bit all over the place. She asked me how I felt about it. I told her that I thought she was not ready for it and needed to come up with more information about the whole process. Then I told her that I felt that she needed to come up with more answers to questions about her and her life.
Part of me hated sounding like the voice of reason. Part of me hated that I was sounding like I didn't support her. But my gut instinct was that she had not done enough research into what she was thinking of doing. She said she was going to group therapy just to find answers to some questions. I told her that was a great start. She also said that she doesn't participate in the group but just sits and listens. I told her that she needs to start asking questions in general.
My fear comes from the fact that she doesn't seem fully informed. I also think that she hasn't looked at what the other consequences may be. I asked her how her girlfriend and family feel about gender re-assignment. She says her girlfriend doesn't want to talk about it. And that her family doesn't really know that she wants to do this. I asked her if she was ready for her family's reaction to all this whether it was positive or negative. She had no answer.
My final question to her was whether she was ready to deal with the pain of surgery. Nowadays, people think that surgery is a walk in the park. You'll be lucky if you can walk well a couple of weeks after surgery. I don't think people realize that surgery involves healing. Which involves a lot of time and anguish. I fear that she hasn't thought that out yet. She did admit she hasn't.
I feel for her. She wants something. Something I don't even pretend to understand. I told her that I would support her decision but to make sure that the decision she makes is the only one she can make.
I still don't know how I feel about it all. I'm not sure if I ever will. Later.