Being part of a couple isn't easy. At all. It's full of compromise. Some bad. Mostly good. One is always neater than the other. Always more reliable than the other. Always more aware than the other. Days off don't always coincide. If they do, one may have made plans without telling the other. There's always something. Why isn't the laundry done? Did you call the super to fix the lock? What's for dinner? Did you feed the cat? Sometimes it seems like one big constant. Always wondering what needs to be done, who is going to do it, and when.
There are days when I think about what my life was when I was single. Things got done when I wanted them done. I answered to myself. I planned my life without any concern as to who else may be involved. I wasn't necessarily carefree but I had no strings to worry about. Life just seemed so much less... involved.
Since I've been part of a couple for more than five years (8, depending on how you count), things are really different. At least in NYC, you go to company functions as a spouse. You do things with friends mostly as a couple. If one of you is missing from an event, the first question is inevitably about where the other is. As a couple, we've become one. Sometimes, I hate this. Sometims, I love it. Mostly, I am happy for it. Sometimes, I forget that I am part of a couple and I forget to call him after work to tell him I am just stepping out for a drink with friends. The last two times, I went out for after-work drinks, I actually did call him. I found it cumbersome.
When I think about it, I do love the fact that I am in a relationship. It's afforded me a lot of things. Like a place that I can call ours. Like monetary non-dependence. Like security and comfort. Like love, joy, and happiness. Maybe the grass is greener. But sometimes, I just want to play on the other side. Or maybe, I just long to play on the other side. And maybe, that is just enough. Later.