Boy, do I have some Tales to Tell...
It always amazes me how I equate music to my past. I'm listening to a dance mix of Pat Benetar's We Belong. And it brings back memories.
Memories of going out to the Roxy one Gay Pride weekend with my best friend Kelsie. As is not-so-usual, we went early to beat the crowd. We got there at the very last possible minute to not stand in the regular line. They let a bunch of special ticket holders in through the side door. We and this wonderfully nice older gentleman were the last three in. I say "wonderfully nice" because they had said that he was the last one getting in. He told the bouncer that we were with him. I think I may have even kissed him when we got in.
Anyway, we got on the floor and just started dancing. As is-usual, we tended to attract a crowd. I think it was because we were so free and having so much fun. Then, suddenly, that night, the opening beats of not-really recognizable song came on. Then a chorus hit. And it was heavenly from there. It was Junior Vasquez's remix of We Belong. For the next 12 minutes, we danced and sang our hearts out with several good-looking men. It was divine. It was defining.
I miss those times. Both Kelsie and I have settled into adulthood. I've tried to make the same types of friendship. But it's not possible. I miss her a lot at times. Like tonight. While I type this post. Later.
Here's what I find very sad about the world. I live and work in what is a very progressive city. I also work for what most people consider a progressive company. But in the need to expand faster than one can think, they have diluted what they are. So, we hire anyone and everyone. As long as you can get past two interviews and a background check, you're in.
That's not sad to me. What's sad is that my company used to be a place someone like me could feel comfortable working. Some gay, Asian, foreign-born, and outspoken. A place where people who didn't fit in went. Because nobody looked at you but at what you could do. But with all the people being hired to "fill" spots, that no longer exists.
What exists is this world's closed-minded, uneducated, and meager attitude toward people who are not like them. It's why I abhor closeted public figures.
If you wonder why it's important for there to be gay characters and gay public figures and gay celebrities, then you are not thinking. Because you aren't. What we all want is to be acknowledged as equals. Women fought for it. Blacks fought for it. It still isn't there. But there are laws protecting women and blacks. There are no laws protecting gays. Like me.
So. For those public figures who claim that it is their prerogative to stay closeted, I blame you for all the suicides of gay youth. Gay youth who are bullied by their peers. Gay youth who are ostracized by their families. Gay youth who are abandoned by their communities. I blame you. I blame you for not being the example that it's okay to be gay. To help change the minds of the people who watch you. To teach the unknowing that being gay is normal. Your hands are stained with their blood and marked with their pain.
Because if you had the courage to stand up and say it's okay. It's okay to be gay. It's okay to be you. Then maybe they wouldn't feel alone in this world. And maybe I would not be the lucky one who made it through all that hate. The one who has the battle scars. Because maybe if you had stood up to say, I am gay. It's fine. Then maybe the bullying and hurting would stop. And our politicians would realize that being female, or black, or gay is just part of life. And not a reason to be held back.
So thanks to you cowards. For nothing. Later.
I am getting bored with some of the company I keep. And some of that company, I don't even keep that close. It's not that I find them boring. I just find them... well... mundane. I have enough of a good time with them around. Truth is. I actually like them. But their behavior is becoming repetitive and predictable. Not to say that mine is not. But I just think that after a bit of complaining, even I have decided to just move on. And they have not. So, what am I to do?
I don't know. Making friends at this age is difficult. People my age are too established. People my age are too dependent on their significant other, if they have one. And if they don't, they become bitter that some of us do. If they aren't bitter, they are bitchy. And not necessarily in a good way. There are those who are not any of what I described. And I appreciate them. I have three people who come to mind that I find fun to hang with. But even they have their own lives.
Maybe I am asking for too much. Maybe I just need to appreciate the time I spend with the people I call my friends. Maybe I need to realize who my friends truly are and not place too much pressure on myself to hang with them. Maybe. Later.
Does it really matter? And if it does, who does it matter to?
If my female neighbor is being abused by here husband, is it my business? Is it my business because I hear her being beaten up? What if I don't hear her being beaten up? Is it still my business? And if I never find out, how is that exactly taking away from my life?
If my cousin is abusing her kid, is it my business? If every time I see the kid, he has bruises and acts weird, is it my business to say something? What if the kid acts "normal" but is getting abused? Is it still my business? And if I never find out that he is getting abused, how is that taking away from my life?
If my coworker is a cheating on her husband, is it my business? What if she still is but I never know that? Is it my business? And again, how is that taking away from my life? And, is it really any of my business?
So, when I have people telling me that I cannot marry the man that I have spent 13 years with, is it really their business? And how am I taking anything away from their lives? Wondering. Later.
If I decide to have sex with people of the same sex, is it anyone's business? And if I decide to marry that person, is it their business? And how am I taking anything away from their lives?
Just wondering. Later.
