Boy, do I have some Tales to Tell...
Once in a while, I allow myself to think randomly. Recently, I thought about how for the past two years, I have been out of town when there has been a New York City blogger congregation. It may even be for the past three years but all I know is that everytime the blogger "summit" comes up, I am not in New York City. I believe it is put on by
him. I may be wrong.
So, back to my random thought. I wonder what would happen if invited the bloggers that I read from the area (and maybe some not from the area) for a drink at a local bar? I wonder who would show up? I wonder if anyone would show up? I wonder.
Later.
A few posts ago, I mentioned that I accepted a new job. The position is still with the current company that I work for. It's going to be a lot more work but also a lot more interesting. I am very excited and looking forward to moving into my new role. I am so excited that I am getting major "senior-itis" at my current position because this week is my last week before I start the other job. It's a bit weird to me because I have never ever felt senior-itis like this. Not even when I was a senior (in high school or college).
I really don't want to feel apathetic toward my current team but my decision hasn't exactly been taken joyfully by any of my co-supervisors or my leaders. They're very congratulatory but something just isn't very "happy" about the moment. I informed them of my last day with them and they still have not found a replacement for me. Nor have they even designated anyone to just learn my duties so that there is someone to pass them on to.
I have heard from three different people about three different people taking over my position. None of these people are the leaders of my team. It bothers me so because I would hate to see something that I built fall apart because of lack of foresight. I know I should be more concerned about my next position but I still care for how my part of the store looks while I am still there. I am so irritated by this all. I am trying to let go.
I am also trying to wrap my head around my new position. And I can't go as far as I would like to because I don't have time to. And on top of it all, until the new store opens (where I will be working), I will have to report to my regional office. In Edgewater, New Jersey. By NJ Transit bus. Through one of the tunnels. By 9:00am. Ugh.
Normally, the fact that I have to take a bus would nudge me into insanity but because I really am looking forward to this job, I seem to be embracing it all. Scary. Scary that I am feeling so many things: I want to just be at the new job, I don't want to leave my current store, I would have liked it if I got a few days off in between, I can't wait for the new store to open, I want to stay and work for my current Store Manager but I can't stand the thought of working for the leader of my team, etcetera, etcetera.
So many emotions, feelings, and thoughts. Ugh. Later.
The other day, I heard a rumor that a co-worker of mine is gay. Actually, I've already heard that rumor but, the other day, I heard it from someone who is friends with him. Actually, what I heard was that he knows he is gay, he is having a hard time dealing with it, and that some of his (and my) coworkers have been "giving him a hard time" about it. To make a long explanation short, I'll just say that he has sought professional help. To do what, I don't know.
Ever since I started working for my company, I have always thought that he was gay. I just knew. Actually, I assumed he was gay until someone told me that he was not. I laughed it off. When I started working for the same team (no pun intended) as him, I was even more convinced that he was gay. Just some of his actions toward me were a bit "over the top".
His friend (also mine) said that he was coming along in accepting his homosexuality but because my co-workers (and his) have teased him about it, he has been having a difficult time "dealing with it". Although this is upsetting to me, it really isn't what is gnawing away at my mind.
Even though my company claims to be who they are, they really don't do much to foster an environment of tolerance. At least not in New York City. I have been in situations where someone has tried to hassle me about me. I have always put them in their place. I, after all, know how to fight. And, all the homophobes at work know that I do. Let's just say that I have never been or felt threatened. I know people have complained to our past store leadership about things said and done that are derogatory. I am yet to see any actions taken to teach tolerance or to even remind team members that inappropriate behavior toward anyone's sexuality will not be tolerated. I know of two incidents that supposedly were going to be addressed. I have never heard of any such addressing.
So, one thing that bothers me about my co-worker is that he did not fight back. I can't believe that he would not stand up for who he is when my other co-workers would hassle him about his sexuality. It bothers me that he did not know enough to approach the right people in leadership to help him deal with his co-workers behavior. For the record, this is the first time I am hearing of him being harassed. It is also the first time I have heard of him accepting his homosexuality.
But what really bothers me is... and here's the kicker... I don't care enough for any of them (the harassers or the harassed) to fight for him. I've been thinking about it and I think that part of me feels that he needs to do his part. He needs to fight for his right to live the way he wants to. I can't fight that battle for him. Nor do I care enough for him to do so. I'm I wrong? And what can I truly do for him? He hasn't confided in me. I would like to think that living openly and speaking freely about my sexuality would help him find the confidence to do the same. I still don't really care either way. Which is what really, truly is bothering me. Later.
Things...
Kevin is a fool to stick with that idiot Chad. Scotty is the one for him. But Scotty said it best when he said "You're not reserved. You're just tragically tangled up in your own homophobia." Which is why Kevin insists on being with Chad. Like a lot of gay men, self-loathing Kevin hungers for difficulty to justify his self-flagellation.
It's very difficult to be utterly excited when you see a broadway play that you find amazing, where certain cast members blow the roof off the house, when you cry so hard because you laugh so hard, because even though you want to recommend it to everyone you know and don't know, you can't because you saw it's closing performance. If they extend it, I recommend "Little Dog Laughed". Highly. Johnny Galecki is quite yummy.
Helping one's sister set up her new apartment can be tiring. It can even get you sicker than the day before. I don't even know how she was able to accomplish all this by herself. And from one coast to the other. And she starts work in two days. My sinuses hurt just thinking about it.
Lost is not so. Heroes is still my.
What's up with the low-rise, skinny-legged, no-hip pants on the market? What about us birthing-hipped men with thick thighs? When did guys become anorexic? I'll ask Johnny if I run into him somewhere.
And, here's the biggest news of all: I accepted a new job. Definitely bigger. Better is yet to be determined. Exciting, for sure. New territory will be forged. I haven't been this excited about anything in a while. I can't wait to start.
Later.
Bittersweet would be a good way to describe how I feel right now.
My two favorite co-workers are going to be leaving my team. E. is moving back to his hometown for a while. He says he will be back... eventually. But he is moving back and I am losing one of my favorite work buddies of all time. I wish him the best and I know he will be back in NYC in no time but...
K. just got word that she has gotten a job in another department. I am ecstatic for her. I know she will do very well. I am especially happy that she will be rid of the drama that our current department seems to be performing. I also wish her the best.
Sometimes, I really hate change. Later.
I stress out over the weirdest things. Truthfully, I rarely stress out over anything. I get frustrated about a lot of things. I get frustrated that I have no back-up from some of my leadership at work. I get frustrated about having to remind my team members about doing their job... properly. I get frustrated that, even thought the solutions are obvious, most people seem to not use them. Frustration seems to be a big part of my life lately. I wonder why I don't get stressed out as much as other people.
For the past four days, my sister has been in town looking for an apartment. She is moving from Los Angeles to New York in two weeks. Her last day of work was last Wednesday. She flew into town Thursday. Looked for an apartment Friday and Saturday. Put in a bid Saturday. By Monday morning, it was not secured. She was very stressed. She was scheduled to leave this afternoon. And she still did not have a place to send her things to. Even Mike was slightly stressed. I, on the other hand, not so much.
Last night, we talked and laid out a plan of attack which included everything from changing her flight, Fedexing papers, having me work on her behalf, etc. I basically laid out the plans for her because she tends to become too frazzled to even think straight. Mike could barely contribute because he was too stressed out about it all.
I got home this evening and her things were all gone. I am assuming that it all worked out: lease signed and all. I hope it did. I am frustrated that she did not leave me a message of any sort telling me what happened. But I am not stressed about her living situation come February 20, 2007. I am sure she will have a place.
Update: as I was typing, Mike called to tell me that she signed a lease on a place on Jane Street. And made her flight back to LA. Woo hoo!I wonder why I never stress. I do get nervous. My nervousness is more about me forgetting something. It's never about performing poorly or appearing haphazardly. I do remember once saying to myself, "Just do your best because you only know what you know."
Somehow, that's gotten me far. Later.
As much as I hate change, I still have to. So, here I am... blogging with the new blogger. I feel fresh. Very fresh.
I while back, I mentioned that I had a crush on two bloggers. I still have not met either one. I still have a crush on both. I do have the chance to meet either but the question is should I? Should I really meet someone I have a crush on? I think sometimes you just have to enjoy the crush and let it organically happen. If you meet, you meet. If you don't then you still have that feeling of the crush; which is a fun feeling. But what if you meet and all your hopes and dreams are squashed? Then, you don't even have the feeling of having a crush from afar. I've had that happen before.
Ahhh. Having a crush. Good times, good times. Later.
